Reports are coming in of a pre-dawn Police raid on a secluded lay-by near Thorndale Plantation. Our spokesman says the raid took place at 3:30am and four men were in the car. Two claimed to be Outings Organisers for the Nottingham Group of the RSPB and said that their names were Stuart Taylor and Dave Goodwin. All the men questioned by the Police said they were "doing The Great Notts Birdrace, a 24-hour bird race around the county of Nottinghamshire" and they were "waiting to hear a little owl call". The driver of the car, one Peter Smith, produced documentation to, as he claimed, "prove the point". The fact that it was double dutch to the Police and was in fact a list of birds (some of them protected species!) was soon noted.

Further investigation showed the gang were posing as a team called We Don't Count Dots, whose former aliases include the Snobby B'stards and The Four Ken Spotters. They were seen to be fully "tooled up", each one carrying a pair of binoculars and with powerful 'scopes in the boot of the car. They have been described by some as "a very weird bunch". When approached by our reported, Mrs. Janet Goodwin, wife of one of the accused, said she had no comment to make except that she thought a trip to the shrink might be in order. Others members of the Nottingham RSPB have also cast doubts on the sanity of the pair.

When questioned by our reporter later, Taylor and Goodwin said "We have had a good day, we saw 91 species and came fourth". Later investigations showed that only four teams took part. They continued, "Highlights of the day were an albino House Martin at Lound, several sightings of Hawfinch at Clumber Park, a flock of 14 Crossbills also at Clumber, a magnificent Peregrine Falcon seen very close to Lound, Hobbys seen at Clumber and Gringley Carr and 3 Black-necked Grebes at Holme Pierrepont.

When run to ground later and questioned in depth, Taylor and Goodwin said "it's a fair cop gov". Asked for assurances that they would not be doing anything like this again they both replied "We'll be back, hopefully for the County Birdrace in spring and certainly next year if The Great Notts Birdrace is on again."

Your reporter asks: should maniacs like this be allowed to roam the countryside at all hours of the day and night? Or should we put a stop to their little games and make this country a safe place once more for normal people!

If you see this pair, either give them a wide berth or better still tell them your sites for good birds. Do not report them to the police!